Every relationship has disagreements, and sometimes those disagreements can get heated making conflict resolution difficult. Relationships can feel exasperating and complicated at times. Resolving conflict can feel out of reach, and when people disagree repeatedly, negative patterns develop. Partners can get stuck in battle, impacting the ability to manage stress and even one’s mental health. You may not understand exactly what is causing you to fight so much. You may even question your partner’s character.

But don’t worry! You can take some steps to quickly resolve an argument and save your relationship from the stress of a fight. Resolving disagreements can and should be done promptly. This article will discuss seven easy ways to stop arguing and start working on what matters: your relationships.

Tip One – Don’t get defensive.

Not getting defensive is a big concept in conflict resolution skills. When your partner comes to you with something that upset them or has a request for something to go differently, it is easy to get defensive, share why you did what you did, and tell your partner that it was not your intention to hurt them. Resolving conflict fast includes not getting defensive!

Defensiveness can also look like getting angry and turning the tables to what your partner had done to irritate you previously. (It goes without saying that you should avoid personal attacks at all costs, that is precisely what will get you in more trouble.)

Good conflict resolution skills start with active listening and reflecting on what your partner’s concern is. When we are defensive, we are not listening to the fears; we are protecting our ego, and only focusing on our own feelings. Defensiveness can make the other person feel unheard, unimportant, and not understood. Small stuff can quickly lead to hurt feelings, more differences, and more significant conflict.

Tip Two – Actively listen and reflect what your understanding is

To resolve conflict, listen to what your partner says and reflect those back to them. Doing this will not only help them feel heard, but it also communicates to your partner that you care about solving the argument and finding a solution together.

Tip Three – Offer relief

Offering immediate relief is a hallmark of a healthy relationship. Offering relief to your partner shows that you are there for them, and it also communicates to your partner that they matter. Ensure this doesn’t take the form of trying to solve their problems or fix things for them. Instead, offer relief by taking responsibility for your part, followed by a hug or touch. The longer you wait, or the more words you use explaining, is a dangerous signal to their nervous system. To help them feel safe, use this simple but profound tip. Offering relief will help dissipate conflict in a relatioinship.

Tip Four – Be face to face with eye contact

Being face to face with eye contact helps us have a better understanding of microexpressions, body language, and reading our partner. It also creates safety, helps your partner manage the stress from unresolved conflict, and helps dissipate anger. Always be face to face with eye contact when discussing anything of importance, especially when trying to resolve disagreements.

Tip Five – Only discuss one topic at a time

It is important to only talk about one topic at a time. Bringing up multiple cases leads the conversation in different directions that do not resolve anything. When talking, you should focus on resolving one issue and nothing else until you entirely resolve it first. If your partner brings up another topic without finishing the previous discussion, tell them that they need to focus on just one thing for now. Only discussing one issue at a time supports healthy communication.

Tip six – Don’t avoid conflict

Of course, you don’t want to fight with your partner every day. You want the best for your personal relationships. Avoiding conflict is not a healthy way to manage conflict and will not make your relationship stronger. And, if you avoid conflict by not speaking up about concerns, resentment can grow. Being explicit about your concerns with kindness and directness are healthy ways to communicate effectively.

Tip seven – Don’t argue about what happened

A fast way to resolve relationship conflict is to not argue about what happened. It’s easy to dig in your heels and start arguing why your viewpoint is correct and who said and did what. But, this makes the conflict worse. Healthy relationships recognize each person’s perspective. Each person has a myriad of different experiences, psychological makeup, biological makeup, neurology, brain, and nervous system. Two people can go through the same experience together yet experience it quite differently. Don’t get stuck in the area of deciding one partner is right and the other wrong. Both viewpoints are essential and need to be heard. One of the fastest ways to find a middle ground is not to argue a perspective.

I hope this article has given you a better understanding of resolving arguments quickly and more effectively.  And if it did help you, share it with your friends on social media using #relationshipresolutiontips.

To get even more tips from Dr. Nicole McGuffin herself, follow her on Instagram @drnicolemcguffin or visit her website https://drnicolemcguff.wpengine.com/. She offers PACT to couples (Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy) https://www.thepactinstitute.com/what-is-pact in her private practice. This relationship therapy developed by Dr. Stan Tatkin gets to the root of the problem quickly so couples can create secure functioning, fairness, justice, security, and true mutualit