10 Surprising Questions to Deepen Your Relationship

We often fall into routine chats with our partners. But what if a few well-chosen questions could transform your connection? Based on Stan Tatkin’s PACT model, here are 10 questions to strengthen your bond:

“What’s your earliest memory of feeling safe?” Uncover the roots of their sense of security.
“How do our moods affect each other?” Recognize how you influence each other’s emotions.
“What’s a fear you’ve never told me about?” Create space for sharing hidden worries.
“Where do you see us in 20 years?” Align your long-term vision.
“What do I misunderstand about you?” Challenge assumptions you might have.
“When do you feel closest to me physically?” Enhance your physical connection.
“Have I hurt you in a way I don’t realize?” Address hidden relationship strains.
“How can we make our home feel safer for both of us?” Build a stronger sense of shared space.
“What childhood dream have you kept to yourself?” Connect with each other’s younger selves.
“How can we have each other’s backs in social situations?” Strengthen your teamwork in public.

These questions go beyond small talk. They touch on what makes relationships work: shared goals, mutual support, and emotional connection.

The key is to really listen to each other’s answers. Find a quiet time to talk, free from distractions. You might be surprised by what you learn about your partner – and yourself.

Remember, it’s okay if these talks feel a bit uncomfortable at first. Be patient and open-minded. The point isn’t to have perfect answers, but to understand each other better.

By having these deeper conversations regularly, you’re actively building a stronger relationship. You’re creating a shared story and reinforcing your connection.

Which question stands out to you? Which one makes you a bit nervous? Often, the questions that challenge us lead to the most growth. Give them a try and see where the conversation takes you.

Dr. Nicole McGuffin is a licensed therapist who specializes in relationships and trauma. She is accomplished in neurofeedback and therapy with more than 15 years of expertise in psychology, neurophysiology, and psychobiology. Dr. McGuffin empowers people to create real healing and transformation.